So, the girls and I decided to make an appearance at a local night club tonight. I remembered all too quickly why I don’t go to these venues anymore! I’m almost 30, it seems I’m officially too old for the meat market that is the nightclubs of 2015. Allow me to explain:

We all dressed up and walked into the club. Apparently our tickets weren’t valid anymore, even though we showed up 5mins after the time that they cut off for them? So we all begrudgingly paid the $15 cover charge.

We proceeded to the bar. Before we could order our first round of drinks two men with scruffy beards came up to us and introduced themselves. Instantly, all us girls we put off. Not only because two of my friends are married, but because we didn’t give them any invitation what so ever, I mean not even a glance, they literally came out of nowhere, it was strange…

Back in the day men used to offer to buy you a drink as an ice breaker, now they swarm you with their friends in an attempt to win you over by sheer gall and stupidity. They come up and start talking to you, and by talking I mean asking you 20 random pointless questions that lead no where and end up making me and all my friends feeling strangely uncomfortable.

We shut them down, took our drinks and circled the floor in an attempt to lose them. We met up with my girl Natalia and good friend Toly, and continued to circle. The second we found another spot to stand idle near the dance floor, low and behold another group of boys came along to try their luck.

I say boys, because most men have way more game than this. Again, they tried to talk to all of us, this time Tara threw me under the bus (bitch!!! Lol I love u, but come on dude!) she says “I’m married! But this is my friend Carolynne and she’s a model,”

Great…. Thanks buddy. Once the awkward questions began ( ” so you only date photographers then?”)  I quickly cut him off and said I modelled bridal and maternity wear and lied saying I’d just had my fourth child all with different dads (this is where  a writer comes in handy, quick with imagination lol) Tara laughed her ass off…. Sometimes your friends just like to watch you squirm.

After losing those guys the first ones came back around again! The one said something to my girl Riley, then he came up to me and said “be my girlfriend,” I stepped back and Tara stepped inbetween and muscled the guy to the other side.

We inched onto the dance floor where we became veritable prey for the predators lurking in the shadows.

Every so often I would be dancing, feel something near my butt, turn around, there’s some random guy dancing behind me. I’d give Tara or Natalia the look and they’d switch me out and cock block him. And this proceeded until we finally got a spot where I could dance with my back against a wooden ledge so I could ensure no one would be grinding on me.

Allow me to be straight about this:

On a dance floor it is ACCEPTABLE to join in a dance group like this young gentleman did, clearly he’s having fun. Not in anyone’s space, good for you young chap!

Or like these lovely shufflers who put on a little show for us:

IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR YOU TO CREEP OUT OF THE SHADOWS AND START TOUCHING ME N MY FRIENDS! Does that ever work?

All in all, The DJ wasn’t the best, and after a short while the cycle of boys coming to try their luck was exhausting. I had to drive so I was far too sober for this shit, so we decided to pile outside for a smoke together before departing ways after the club.

This is why I prefer to go to concerts/shows instead of clubs. At concerts people are too busy enjoying the show to try and pick you up (unless you’re outside in the smoke pit).

But really, Since when did walking into the club with a group of girls automatically mean we want to hook up with random men at the bar? Is it too much to ask for a girls night out where we can just have fun? Dance? I don’t mind if you guys watch us dance, or even join us in clear sight, but the next time someone grabs my ass on a dance floor I’m knocking him out. I didn’t ask for that, it’s not being cute. If I’m ACTUALLY dancing with you, then hell let’s dirty dance! But if I don’t know you? Haven’t acknowledged you, and you’re behind me dancing and trying to touch me? That’s not cool.

Boys, quit trying to pick up girls at a nightclub… (Girls same applies to you). It’s a dark room, you’re inebriated, just have fun with your friends and go home. If you HAPPEN to meet a hottie and hit it off, get his/her number and meet again in daylight and make sure it’s someone you’d like to hang out with when you’re sober.

As for me….

I’m clearly getting too old for this shit….

Photo credit Nick Kunn

Hair and Makeup Tara Carter