In the realm of the Google gods, everyone can help themselves. You can google your symptoms, and be given a cure! Yippee!

But…

But what happens when our mind isn’t programmed that way? What happens when we can’t just write down “positive aspects” of our lives to overcome the darkness? What happens when googled answers don’t fix the problem?

We recluse. We hide. We find any way to turn in on ourselves cause we get past the point of asking for help. And the internet is helping. Before we would’ve been forced to talk to someone, anyone. See a doctor, talk to your friend, a dog, a plant, something. Now we talk to no one. We internalize everything and let it destroy us from the inside out. All to fill this precipice that “we’re strong and capable” when really I think half of us are the blind leading the blind.

We tell ourselves “we should be like Suzy, she’s so positive and happy” then a few months or years go by, and Suzy kills herself. No one saw it coming, cause Suzy looked so happy.

Why do we all play these parts, instead of playing ourselves? Why do we give in to society’s standards of what we should be, when who we are behind the bullshit is so much more interesting and lovable?

But can we see for ourselves what is interesting and loveable about ourselves? Or do we constantly have to have it mirrored back to us, told to us by peers or tv or social media. When someone comments “so beautiful” are they saying that cause of how you look or because of who you are?

Does anyone really know who you are?

And who’s to blame for that, us or them? Have we shown the world our true selves? Or are we too scared for fear of rejection?

I wish I had the answers for you all, but I don’t, I too sit in the shade more often than not, I don’t see the glass “half full or half empty” I see “we’re gonna fucking die of dehydration soon.”

I wish I could wave a wand and rid the world of mental illness, cancer, hell any malady that keeps you from your full potential.

But to those who walk in the shadows, no matter where you are. You’re not alone.