I remember more than ever, today, when Christmas was a different way.

2001 was the last clarke Christmas I remember us all together. And it will never be the same.

This year our family took a huge hit… We lost our life of the party. Our humour. Our light. Steven.

Perhaps it’s because I haven’t seen my nephews and nieces yet, or the fact we don’t even have lights on the house, but this Christmas feels empty.

Just another day. An excuse to buy things for the ones I love. And granted I love shopping for them, but I think I’d trade in every gift, every luxury, to be…

crowded around that woodstove again, cigarette smoke from my uncles, aunts and grandmother filling the air. A giant dinner cooking. Children running and screaming everywhere. Us all trying to sneak upstairs for a drink/smoke so mum and dad wouldn’t know how we got wasted by evening. Grandad passing out in the chair and waking up thinking dinner never happened, uncle Steve making my brother go help fix a car in -30… Just one more time…. Bring it back. Please. I miss it so much.