Tonight I was booked for a fundraiser downtown Calgary. It was a black-tie formal event with a James Bond 007 theme. Myself and two other models were cast as Bond Girls, to be painted head to toe in gold body paint, and wear a gold string bikini.
I arrived at the hotel, travelled to our hair and makeup room and met our wonderful MUA’s for the night Amanda Rye and Madison Farwell and my gorgeous friend Tara was already there along with an amazing assortment of fruits, cheese, meats and crackers from our client.
Our other model arrived and was having a hell-of-a-time trying to pay for parking over the phone!
As usual the lovely Tara and I stepped up first to be painted. We stood in our bikinis and Amanda and Madison stroked cold, wet, gold paint all over our bodies. We discovered the worst areas to be done were the ribs, armpits, inner thigh, and neck, not for any real bad reason just that the cold sent really bad shivers through those spots. Everywhere else was quite easy.
My friend asked to sit on a chair, and just as she was lowering herself her body went limp, she fell, hit her head against the wall, eyes rolled back, and began seizing. I was so scared. I went to grab her to turn her on her side in case she started vomiting, all the while saying her name repeatedly, I got as far As just placing my hand on hers and said “Tara!” And suddenly she came back. She had no idea what happened, just felt like she just woke up. As much as Tara thought at first she could push through, after we all explained how serious even a small seizure is she took our advice and went to the hospital.
So, model down.
One of the MUA’s stepped up and said “ok, I’m goin in” and Madison painted Amanda just like me and our other, also stunning model Leah.
Once we were all done when travelled to the event floor to each of our strategically placed glass cylinder pods. We were told to stand, pose, and dance like a go go girl. And we loved it. People were coming up to us saying we looked amazing! And how gutsy we must be to pull this off! They were all so nice…
Until…
I was in the last pod, and a woman (50-60yr old, stoutly built, blonde hair) walked up to me staring, said “are you fucking kidding me” continued to walk away yet keep glaring at me, she left her husband, turned around and came straight towards me.
Instantly I knew this wasn’t going to be a kodak moment.
She said (and coming from a woman at a Formal event I was shocked by her crassness) “what the fuck are you supposed to be?”
To which I replied “a Bond girl, like goldfinger. ”
Her retort,” you’re a fucking joke”
Then holding her middle finger erect she slammed it against the glass to my face and yelled “FUCK OFF”
Now… The old me would’ve climbed out of my pod, and gold-slapped the shit out of her. Alas, I remained calm until I found our clients rep, explained what happened, and with great care and concern she allowed us girls to come off the floor early as we did not want a repeat of my altercation.
And what hurts the most is, we’re women. Why is the sight of a woman in a bikini and bodypaint so offensive to the point that it causes you to verbally abuse someone who has done nothing to provoke you. Shame on you madame. I pity your poor husband.
The girls and I got back to the room, had a great laugh about what happened.
Tara was lying on the floor and asked, “did you see the EMT?” I replied, “no” and all the girls gasped. He was apparently quite angelic. I went to the washroom and came back and he was there, and they weren’t kidding: 6’4, blonde hair, blue eyes, broad shoulders and a Hollywood smile. I wonder what he thought looking at us all in our gold paint!
Meanwhile my poor clients rep was so upset about what happened, perhaps more so than even myself, and I felt terrible that she had to deal with this altercation on top of the stress of organizing an event. It never ceases to amaze me how few truly comprehend how much work goes into organizing large fundraisers.
She got us all a room and robes and escorted us upstairs to shower. The girls and I showered and made our ways home.
I did come up with a great comeback I wish I’d done..

When she said “what r u supposed to be” and I said goldfinger. When she showed me the finger I should’ve said “oh we’re playing that game! ”
“I’m not goldfinger,(turns around, pulls off bottoms and flashes ass)
“BET YOU REMEMBER MOONRAKER BITCH!”
And here’s the pics!