It happened… I was warned my entire life “You won’t always be like this. Just wait til you’re older you’ll gain weight.”

And I always managed to bounce back… until now…

I am turning 37 years old in less than 2 weeks… and for the first time in my life, I am not 10, not 20.. nope, not 30…. Not even 40… I am 50lbs overweight. I am legit crying writing this. I can imagine how many out there are secretly laughing, like “Haha you skinny bitch it finally got you.” But let’s be real, I’m not cool with this. This is not ok. I am not comfortable with my size and absolutely refuse to be. My blood pressure is up, my blood sugars are up, and I’m 5lbs away from being a solid deuce (aka 200… 2 fucking hundred pounds)

I live with PCOS and I guess it’s finally taking its toll. And as a responsible mother, I can’t simply jump on the ozempic train like many other kept housewives. No, I gained my weight from busting my brain at school and sitting on my ass, I got on the Deans’ list and my body dropped to the D list. I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognize this chick staring back at me… like who the hell is that??? I swore I would never let myself go…. And here I am… loathing every inch of extra skin I have, looking at my arms and feeling disgusted, hating the idea of wearing a tank top or someone might see my shame.

I’m not posting this shit until I lose it. I will not let this get the better of me. Tonight I’m eating some twizzlers as a farewell to carbs, bye-bye Carbie, it’s been swell, like really swell, like so swell I don’t fit any of my clothes anymore.

But I will be crying my fat away lonely in the dark until I emerge back as my normal swanlike self. This will not be my end, it may not be hot girl summer this year, but it sure as shit isn’t gonna be fat bitch fall!!!!! SKINNY ME!!!! I’M COMING FOR YOU!!!!!!

Edit: this language is in no way meant to demean anyone who is overweight. It’s just a reflection of my inner voice towards my size/change in size. I think if you like your size, and you think you’re beautiful, then you truly are.